I just got home from some grocery shopping and I feel a MIGHTY NEED to share this.

I'm in the cereal aisle looking at pre-packeged sugar chunk lumps with sugar sprinkle smegma, and I notice something. The Trix rabbit must be really, really horny. I mean seriously. He's always looking hungrily at the cereal, at the kids on the cereal box (which is more scary than funny I guess, because he could be a pedophile), at the curvaceous bowl. They should change the name to "Fux." Plus the name of the cereal is "Trix," which suggests a treasure trove of innuedo hilarity. Trix cereal is composed of lumps in the shape of fruits, so the rabbit might be gay, in which case we shouldn't say "rabbit," but "siwwy wabbit" instead. He usually dresses up like women and whatnot in his commercials as he tries in vain to score some cereal. Maybe the cereal makes you horny. And gay. I think the wabbit is undressing me with his eyes whenever I'm near the box of cereal, and it makes me think I'm losing my mind. Or maybe he's checking out the Lucky Charms leprechaun. "Oh, he's alwehs afteh meh luckeh charms!" I can imagine the scandals already.

Hmmm, Elmer Fudd. "Wascally wabbit." I wonder if Elmer Fudd is gay. "I've got a carrot in my pants, a-huh-huh-huh-huh!" Phallic symbol hat? God damn, Elmer himself looks like a damn penis. A laughing gun toting penis with a penis hat. And the gun is ust a metal penis! My god!

Surely governmental agents are en route as we spea